something missing.

Do you ever feel like your'e missing something in your life? Lately, I have and yesterday it hit me like a brick. While watching the movie Family Stone last night {a movie I watch at least twice a month} I realized how badly I want a family. For most girls, family is something you dream of from your very first doll; you - referring to yourself as the dolls mother. I on the other hand was not a fan of calling myself "mom" with my dolls or for that matter playing house with the neighborhood girls and if I ever did get talked into playing house I was always the aunt.

So, you can imagine the complete shock this has taken on me and those closest to me.... especially, Guitar Hero. I don't know really what has brought on the change but I know that there are some things that have made the idea of wanting children a little sweeter. Mainly, the fact that I am so close to my parents and now having them live far away instead of right down the street makes it hard. Also, having guitar hero away more then he is home doesn't help. Being alone all the time is not really my thing. I enjoy game nights, and baking festive cookies for the holidays, taking bike rides, as well has having movie nights, and building tents with sheets in your living room. So, why wouldn't I want children?... maybeI should have re-thought this idea a long time ago.

See, most might take cooking dinner for someone every night for granted, or having someone to sit in a room with while watching a re-run of Friends, or just having someone to talk to in person when you don't want to leave the house on your off day but for me I don't get those things very often. I hardly ever get to cook a dinner {it's just not the same by yourself} or have anyone to laugh with why watching my favorite t.v. shows and sometimes I can go days without talking out loud if I stay home and don't get the chance to talk to guitar hero on the phone. But if I have a family those things could and would change. Right?!

Now, I am not saying it would be easy and all my problems would be fixed in the very beginning but it's a start to say I am thinking of the idea. Not to mention, I like the idea of thinking that my family could be like the Family Stone. You, know the family where the mother is a little quirky and all the children look up to her. Where the dad solves all the problems and is kind of the peace maker of the family ( guitar hero would totally be this dad!). Where the children are all different and unique in their own ways and are encouraged to be their own person. Plus, I just love the idea of the "big" family. I know, crazy right?!.. for someone 10 minutes ago who didn't want children at all... but I do now. I want that big family who does everything together and who has someone who always will take their side. And with guitar hero being away so often I think it would be nice if there was always something going on and there were lots of us in the house to keep each other company.. granted this would take a few years, being that they would have to get out of their "baby stage" but in the end I think it would be worth it.

Plus, those family holidays when everyone would come home to be together just sounds so lovely to me.

I know, I know - I am totally crazy and I am sure a lot of you are wondering what the heck I am thinking, as am I. But, I can't help it.